A popular buzz phrase these days is ‘self-care.’ It conjures up images of relaxation: perhaps a massage or a mani-pedi today? But self-care is much more than just decompressing, it’s about building resilience. “Self-care helps us manage stress, calms our body and nervous system, and leaves us better positioned to tackle life’s challenges,” said Christopher Pittenger, MD, PhD, Yale School of Medicine and director of the Yale Center for Brain and Mind Health at Yale School of Medicine. “But quite apart from this, we all deserve care, and this should begin with care for ourselves. Self-care can take many forms, and there is no one-size-fits-all. Most generally, it means prioritizing our own needs, unapologetically, at regular intervals.”
Dr. Pittenger, who is also a psychiatrist and a professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine, said some helpful self-care practices might include taking a mental health day off from work or other obligations, sleeping in, or yes, getting a massage. It can also mean exercise, taking a walk in nature, or having a good meal at a restaurant. In addition, time with friends or loved ones can also be types of self-care (as long as this is relaxing, enjoyable time, and not fulfilling obligations!). For some people, time alone is the best gift they can give themselves.
It’s important to keep in mind that personal time doesn’t have to infringe on your busy day; it can simply be a brief 15-minute walk in the sun. “It’s probably best to find balance in the ways we care for ourselves, little things that we can do every day; more substantial me-time every week or maybe on the weekend; and a special treat, like a vacation (or a staycation), once in a while,” said Dr. Pittenger.
Sometimes, implementing self-care practices can feel overwhelming, particularly for seniors, many of whom are retired. According to the clinical team of the Mental Health Association (MHA) of Indian River County, while retirement can bring a sense of freedom, it can also lead to a loss of identity, especially when so much of life was centered around a career or caregiving role. “If you’re feeling unsure about who you are now, know that this is a common and natural experience. One helpful step is to reflect on what has always mattered to you – your values, passions, and strengths — and look for ways to express them in new ways,” advises the MHA clinical team.
They also suggest exploring hobbies, volunteering, or joining community groups. These activities not only offer a renewed sense of purpose, but they also help you stay connected and valued and support inner strength and flexibility. “You are more than your job title: your wisdom, experiences, and presence still matter deeply. This chapter of life can be one of growth and rediscovery,” said the MHA team.
Mental health expert, Portia Preston, an Associate Professor of Public Health at Cal State Fullerton, Founder of Empowered to Exhale, and the author of a new self-care book, Hustle, Flow, or Let it Go? A Guide to Shame-Free Wellness that Honors Your Reality and Gives You Life (Revell Books, August 2025), concurs. “For a lot of people who are retired, if their identity was what they did, they often really struggle with their worth. I talk about this in my book, that the foundation of spirituality is that we all have inherent worth,” she said. “You can still learn, and you can still do things, and you can still be curious.”
In other words, try something new. However, a common obstacle in implementing this goal is people’s need for perfection and to be the best – and their fear of failure. Dr. Preston’s antidote to this is to disconnect from the outcome. “Detach from this idea that ‘I have to be great at it,’ so it can be something that you enjoy, like when you were younger, or maybe something new that’s available to you now,” she said.
But for many, that is easier said than done. Because detaching from an outcome involves giving up control at a time in life when many feel they have less and less of it, Dr. Preston said. “But it’s helpful to remember that grasping for control and perfection started as adaptive strategies – they worked at some point.”
Until they didn’t. If you’ve arrived at this point in your life, she said the best way to cope is to “let it be,” adding, “I don’t want us to just tell people to let go of control and perfection, I want them to sit with how hard it is to do that and just to allow that resistance to be,” she said.
Indeed, there is something liberating and soothing about this practice of nonresistance, which is an integral component in Eastern philosophy. It also helps build resilience, making the challenges of this world more manageable to navigate. “When I approach a situation with awareness and acceptance instead of judgment, I can widen my perspective, better adapt to reality, explore my options and respond with intention,” said Dr. Preston.
Another way to make this shift in mental trajectory is to approach life with a beginner’s mindset, a Zen Buddhist concept known in Japanese as shoshin where you approach new experiences with an open mind, like a novice. “It doesn’t make sense that we expect ourselves to be perfect or that we expect ourselves to do everything. That internal pressure is what makes life so hard, so embracing a beginner’s mindset is about unlearning this expectation,” said Dr. Preston.
She helped her mother-in-law utilize this approach when she began playing the piano, an endeavor that Dr. Preston encouraged after she noticed it sparked excitement for her mother-in-law. “My mother-in-law had to embrace a beginner’s mindset,” said Dr. Preston.
And it worked. Rather than aiming for perfection, playing the piano became a way for her mother-in-law to do something for herself and experience the joy of learning and growth. “For her, learning how to play piano has been a really great fit,” said Dr. Preston.
Maintaining a beginner’s mindset can sometimes be challenging, however, especially for people who spend an inordinate amount of time alone. Those who fall into this category are often people who are housebound, which a significant number of seniors are. If you fall into this group, it’s more important than ever to stay connected with others. The MHA clinical team advises you should begin by reaching out to family, friends, or neighbors through phone calls, video chats, or handwritten letters. “Small gestures can build strong bonds,” they said.
In addition, they advise reaching out to online platforms, including virtual faith-based gatherings, senior centers that offer virtual programs, and telephone check-in services designed specifically for older adults. “If you’re able, consider joining online classes or discussion groups to meet new people who share your interests. And don’t hesitate to ask for help: whether it’s transportation, tech support, or companionship, there are organizations and volunteers eager to support you. Staying connected doesn’t always require leaving home; sometimes it just takes a conversation to brighten the day,” said the MHA team.
Housebound or not, Dr. Preston emphasizes the importance for seniors to forge connections with younger people. She came to this conclusion after becoming friends with someone about two decades older than her. “We’ve remained close since she lost her partner over a decade ago. Just today, she called me and said, ‘You’re the only person I can talk to about this thing.’ I think it’s important for seniors to know that younger generations, we are actually interested in them, and age is not the barrier that they think it is,” said Dr. Preston.
Another challenge seniors face is loss, including the loss of loved ones, physical abilities, independence, or familiar roles. These losses can usher in feelings of sadness, loneliness, and uncertainty. To cope, the MHA team advises seniors to seek support from family, friends, or counseling services, and stay actively engaged in social activities or hobbies. “Finding new ways to connect, adapting to changes with flexibility, and focusing on what can still be enjoyed and controlled can provide comfort and a renewed sense of purpose,” they said.
There are also options like private care where certified nursing assistants can provide everything from companionship and personal hygiene care to meal preparation and grocery shopping; the Visiting Nurse Association of the Treasure Coast (VNA) offers this service.
Some experts also recommend the use of psychotropic medication for seniors (and others) in certain situations, but often this is met with resistance by patients; maybe a friend tried one and it didn’t help, or they view taking psychotropic medication as mental feebleness. “There are lots of myths and misinformation about medications. A core one is that using medication to help manage stress, depression, or anxiety somehow means that you’re weak, that you really ought to be able to handle these problems ‘on your own.’ I think that’s a mistake,” said Dr. Pittenger. “Antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications are tools to help manage symptoms and difficulties in life. They aren’t that different from other available tools, like therapy, exercise, or meditation. They can sometimes be helpful, and when a professional who knows you well suggests that medication may be part of what you need to thrive, that’s worth considering.
Finding the right medication, at the right dose, is important, and it can take time. Too much can be problematic (just like too much exercise can be problematic!), and the wrong medication may produce more side effects than benefits; it’s important to speak openly about your experience and concerns with your prescriber, and it’s important to see them often enough that you can work together to get things right.”
Whether you’re considering medication or not, it’s always helpful to reach out to a mental health professional to aid you in your self-care journey. But if that sounds too overwhelming, simply start by making a list of things you can do that put an instant smile on your face; if that’s talking with an old friend, call her! If that’s taking a walk around the block, go for it! And if that’s trying something you’ve always wanted to do, like learning how to play bridge – in person or online – then what’s stopping you? Because remember, it’s not about being number one – it’s the joy of the journey.
Below are resources for seniors living in Indian River County and beyond.
The Mental Health Association of Indian River County: Mental Health Care | Vero Beach | Mental Health Association
Dr. Christopher Pittenger: https://medicine.yale.edu/profile/christopher-pittenger/
Dr. Portia Preston: Corporate & Individual Wellness Consultant | Empowered To Exhale
Senior Resource Association: Meal Delivery | Senior Help & Care | Senior Transportation
For additional local mental health resources, visit https://unstruggle.org, which describes itself as a “mental health movement.” Unstruggle.org will connect you with local mental health providers and other helpful things to promote positive mental health.
VNA Private Care and other VNA services: vnatc.com
This information is for educational purposes. Please consult your physician regarding any medical issues. The Visiting Nurse Association of the Treasure Coast (VNA) is committed to bringing trusted and quality home health, private care and hospice to Indian River County patients. For more information about VNA services, call 772-567-5551 or visit www.vnatc.com.
